- Dr. Rosa Bredekamp, at a Women’s Day brunch, cautioned against casually labeling partners as narcissists, stressing the difference between narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic traits, and healthy narcissism.
- She highlighted how narcissism can contribute to toxic relationship dynamics but emphasised that not all toxic relationships involve narcissists.
- Bredekamp advised those in relationships with narcissists to seek professional help, focus on self-care, or consider leaving the relationship if it becomes too harmful.
People must be careful to label their partners as narcissists, warned Dr Rosa Bredekamp, counselling psychologist, at a Women’s Day brunch held at Durbanville Golf Club last Wednesday.
The event was presented by presented by Harcourts Dunn, Denis Dunn Investors Club and AfriForum.
Bredekamp explained the difference between narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic traits and healthy narcissism.
Diagnosable mental condition
“The disorder is a diagnosable mental condition, characterised by a pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration and a lack of empathy among other symptoms. They may manipulate others to maintain a sense of superiority or react with intense anger if they feel criticised or offended. “In contrast, narcissistic traits refer to the behaviours and attitudes that resembles those seen in narcissistic personality disorder, but they are less severe and not as abrasive. Many people may display narcissistic traits without having the full-blown disorder.
“Narcissistic traits may cause some friction in a relationships, but they do not dominate a person’s personality or lead to the same level of dysfunction seen in the narcissistic disorder.“There is also something called normal narcissism, which refers to healthy levels of self-esteem and confidence.“ Narcissism exists on a spectrum from harmful, pathological behaviour seen to normal confidence and positive self-regard.
Bredekamp said.
“It is important to broaden the understanding of how narcissism can turn relationships toxic. It is crucial to recognise that toxic dynamics can also arise in relationships without a narcissist involved. In fact, many couples may experience episodes of toxicity – due to stress, miscommunication or unresolved conflicts,” she said.
Toxic relationships is where unhealthy behaviours and patterns creates an environment that is emotionally or even physically damaging to partners.“It can develop in any relationship – even between well-meaning partners. The characteristics is lack of emotional support where partners are unsupportive or dismissive of each other’s needs. It manifests as constant negativity through judgement and blame, the use of control tactics like gaslighting to undermine the other, disregard for boundaries and autonomy which erodes trust,” she said.
Toxic relationships
“In toxic relationships negative actions and interactions outweigh the positive ones. It leads to constant feelings of stress, emotional drain and unhappiness – making it impossible for either person to thrive or feel fulfilled. “Narcissism can amplify these dynamics and make these patterns more persistent and more damaging. It is also important to recognise that narcissistic behaviour often extend to other areas of life – work, friends and even relationships with children with similar patterns of manipulation and control,” she said.
The typical phases of narcissistic relationships are idealisation, devaluation, control and lack of empathy. “When you’re in a relationship with an narcissist, you are often faced with three options: change, accept or leave.
“Each option comes with its own set of considerations, and it’s crucial to understand what each entail before making a decision.
It can also provide tools for managing the narcissistic behaviour.“Acceptance means acknowledging the limitations of the relationship and understanding that the narcissist is unlikely to change. Instead of trying to change them, focus on your own healing and personal growth. Shift your focus from changing your partner to caring for yourself. Prioritise your wellbeing through activities that bring joy and seek support from loved ones or therapy.
“Understand that you may not receive the emotional support you desire, allowing for a more balanced perspective.“When staying in a relationship with a narcissist becomes too harmful for your wellbeing, the best option may be to leave. However, leaving a relationship with a narcissist can be particularly challenging and requires careful planning to ensure your safety and emotional stability,” she said.
Visit www.abusesupport.co.za for more information about the Narcissistic Abuse Support Group. Contact them on 076 476 6798 (Whatsapp) or via email at info@abusesupport.co.za
