Live out the love you have for those that have gone before you to other people.
This was one of the messages shared at Tygerberg Hospice’s annual Tree of Light event held for the first time at Zevenwacht Wine Estate on Thursday 1 December.
Tygerberg Hospice, a non-profit organisation that is celebrating 25 years of providing palliative care in parts of the Northern Suburbs expanded their presence to the Kuils River area with a palliative care team based on the premises of the Kuils River Community Church in Amandelsig in February last year.
The Tree of Lights event serves as an opportunity to remember and honour loved ones lost but also as a fundraiser.
It was held at Tygerberg Hospice’s head office in Bellville for many years before moving to D’ Aria Wine Estate for two years.
Robinlee Mitchell, palliative care manager, said hosting the event at Zevenwacht forms part of reaching out to the Kuils River community to raise awareness around end of life support that they offer to patients that have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness.
Support is also provided to patients’ family members.
Though Tygerberg Hospice accepts medical aids, they provide free support to those who cannot afford it and therefore heavily dependent on donations.
Support
Wendy Middleton, shop consultant for Tygerberg Hospice charity shops, assisted someone who had breast cancer during treatment before her own mother was diagnosed two years later with breast cancer at age 90 that spread to her vertebra.
A doctor referred her to Tygerberg Hospice.
Middleton said she will never forget the “angel” that came to her home who carried her and other family.
“She advised us what to do when mom was in pain.
“It is very different if you’re living with that patient and actually have to change their nappy, bath them. You don’t know where to touch – everywhere it hurts.”
After her mother’s passing Middleton was later asked by a teacher diagnosed with throat cancer if she could help her.
“I nursed her for six months before she died.”
When someone approached her about volunteering at the Hospice she thought it was where she is supposed to be. The sunflower logo served as confirmation.
“I remembered my mom always said, ‘girl, stand tall like a sunflower, raise your head to the heavens, that is what a sunflower does’.”
Middleton who is based at the Sunshine shop in Bellville said the charity shops run on donations. All earnings go towards palliative care.
“If you have anything you don’t need, call me. I’ll take linen, clothing, cups, saucers, lawnmowers, you name it … everything, except husbands and children.”
Ntando Lurwengu, Mr SA 2021, paid tribute to his grandmother (who died a week before he was crowned) and his father (who died during his final university exam) whom he lost at pivotal moments in his life which they helped make possible through their sacrifices and contributions.
“The one thing I hold close to my heart is my father and my grandmother might not have been able to leave a lot to me, but they left a lot within me.’’
Not an easy road
Wouter de Vos, Ward 11 councillor, whose mother passed due to lung cancer in 2018, said walking the path with a loved one with a terminal illness is like being swept away by a river.
You know the eventual destination, but have no control over the flow.
“But the anxiety, the feeling of being in a river that you have no control over and seeing someone fade away that you love – that is really tough. We are fortunate to have an organisation like Tygerberg Hospice that will assist with love, compassion, expertise – to support those people standing around the bed who feel they are in a vicious river.”
Rev Stephen Nicholson of Kuils River Community Church said grief is a different path for all.
Some will still hurt but can go on with their lives while for others grief will be tangible and an everyday struggle.
“Whichever road you’re on, be kind and gentle with yourself. This is not an easy road.”
Nicholson said fighting illness is important, but sometimes it comes to a point where the fight isn’t enough and life is coming to an end.
“Hospices were established all over the world so people can transition from this life into the next as peaceful and painless as possible.”
In essence it is about allowing people to die with dignity.
He said from a Judeo-Christian point of view, there is no fear in death, but there is pain as there is loss for those who remain.
“The way to comfort is to journey though the valley of the shadow of death. The shadow can affect us – it brings darkness over us but it can’t change us or hold us.”
Nicholson said the dark grieving will eventually pass.
“When it is over we need to remember to live life in honour and memory of those who have gone by sharing love.”
He read a poem, When all that’s left is love by rabbi Allen Maller that ends: ‘‘Love doesn’t die, people do. So when all that’s left of me is love, give me away.’’
