We cannot turn a blind eye when it comes to domestic violence (or any crime).
Nor will pointing fingers or blaming others make any difference.
This was some of the key messages shared at an event held by Kuils River police at the start of 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children on Friday 25 November at the rugby club in Jagtershof.
Pastor Themba Barnies, who served in the police for many years, said he realised as a young policeman, communities often did not “want the police”, but needed intervention and help with the challenges they faced.
He recalled domestic violence cases he dealt with that remains stuck in his mind – such as a father whose wife left him, who drowned his own son.
These cases made him realise the police has a huge task, but there is not much they can do when things go wrong inside people’s homes.
“It is a community intervention that can solve this issue,” he said. Quoting from scripture he explained why he became a pastor after retiring from police service as God needs people who can make a difference.
Crime statistics
Barnies referred to quarterly crime statistics (1 April to 30 June) that indicated 243 children and 855 women were murdered in three months. (The numbers were even higher July to September).
“South Africa has the highest number of domestic violence cases in the world.”
Barnies said the church has a role to support police and his role, as leader of the local spiritual crime prevention unit, is to fight crime on another level than the police or the courts can.
“We live amongst people that commit domestic violence – it does not choose between the rich and the poor.
“It’s just harder for the poor to hide. God is looking for you and me to make a difference in the lives of our community.”
Therefor he decided to get involved when the local police made a call on churches to form a spiritual crime prevention unit which was formed last year.
“People have a responsibility not to turn a blind eye. We can’t look the other way.”
He said parents should also not protect children involved in crime or who live off the proceeds of crime.
Victim support
Community and gender-based violence activist Latifah Jacobs who recently released the book A letter to my perpetrator said, it’s not her book but rather a platform she provided for survivors to bring them closure.
“I believe in healing.”
Jacobs said we focus on many things such as the justice system or raising awareness but never on the afteraffects of crime or violence on people.
“The pain left behind turns into anger, anger turns to hatred, and hatred turns into violence,” she said.
She read a poem about a boy who was abused by a priest.
“When people speak of gender-based violence they think we speak of women or children. But what happens to the man that never got healing?”
She told of a young man sentenced to life in prison for two murders. His mother who was in law enforcement was killed on duty. He went to live with his grandmother, but when she passed on two years later, he was sent from one family member to the next.
“Where did the injustice in his life start? No one took note of his grief and the anger that was building up. When his mom passed there was some money, when his grandma passed there was less, when all the money was gone, they passed him on like a piece of dirt. We as community must not feel we are not to blame for the violence that happens in our own community – because we turn a blind eye.”
Jacobs said at the recent GBV summit she attended, President Cyril Ramaphosa said we must keep others accountable, even him. She said she asked him if she could keep him accountable for promises he made in 2019 about harsher sentences and no bail for rapists and murderers.
‘‘He said: The safety of women and children should be a priority to all – this does not mean it must be a priority for the police or the department of health or a Thutuzela rape centre – it is for all of us as a nation,” said Jacobs.
Accountability
Jacobs said she is one of the activists who would like to see police minister, Bheki Cele fired, but people should also ask themselves what role they have.
“Does the person sitting next to me know their rights? Did I ask: are you okay today?” Even though one person can only do so much, she said, the ripple effect will make an impact.
“Cele said to me at the summit, ‘you come say hello but you want me fired’. I told him it is nothing personal – when we do things in our capacity as leaders, we shouldn’t take things personal but should rather look at criticism or advice positively to see where I went wrong.”
Rather than pointing fingers, Jacobs suggested community members should engage with the police, social development and other partners working in the community. “And you don’t have to like people to work with them when it is for the greater good of the community.”
She once had three small children showing up at the soup kitchen she runs from her home in Sunbird Park who walked by themselves from Happy Valley. The question, she said, was why no one in the community who saw them did not stop them.
“If anything would have happened to those children the community members would have been looking for someone to blame such as the police or some division in government.”
Jacobs said many men are victims of rape, but they are often seen as weak.
“Mommies, we must stop telling our boys: ‘don’t cry, man up!’ We must let our children speak up.”
